Debating Whether The Sisqo Costume Worked

The planned looked great on paper. I got some white pants, some white gloves, some silver hair spray, and a good attitude. With all of this going for me, I felt like my streak of terrible Halloween costumes was finally going to come to an end. The results varied...

First off, the white pants I purchased were "sailor" pants (no they weren't gay pants) that had a wide bottom, similar to bell-bottoms. I was unaware of this at the time of purchase, but when it was time to put them on, that fact became glaringly clear. Another thing about sailor pants (...not gay) is that they are extremely tight at the waist (a little gay). Constriction and partying don't really mesh well. Next, I almost passed out from the fumes of the coloring spray. Granted, I just came out of the shower and the bathroom was still very steamy and condensed, but I almost passed out mid-spray. I am absolutely positive that the spray I inhaled will have a detrimental effect on my life-span. Anywho, I get the costume on and it looks surprisingly good.

My roommates are with it and after extensive study of the "Thong Song" music video, I feel reasonably confident I can do the dance (not including the one-handed cartwheel). I'm feeling good. My roommates dressed as characters from "Anchorman", but with there being no prominent black character in the film, my options were limited. So, the channel 4 news team and Sisqo rolled off to a ballin' ass movie wrap party together.

An hour elapses..no one mentions my costume. I thought this was my god damn year. It was supposed to be my time to be king crab. We get to the party and one of my buddy's bosses looks at me and says, "your Jamie Foxx right?" That had to be the most confusing unintentionally racist thing I've ever heard. What? Jamie Foxx at no point in his career had silver hair or at any point wore an outfit resembling what I was wearing. The night went on with more failed attempts from random onlookers. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt since it was a movie wrap party and the average age was about 32, but come on. One girl called me the "thong song guy", which I accepted and ran with. It wasn't until I was drunkenly stumbling about in an area in Cambridge alone in search of a cab (don't ask) that I realized my costume worked.

While walking past a large group of people in the rain, I heard one kid tell all his friends to stop. I thought I was going to get jumped by the California Raisins, a couple of office skanks, and Gumby, but then the unthinkable occurred. He said, "You're Sisqo! That's the best costume I have ever seen."

Halloween was awesome.