Too God Damn Hot

-what i saw when i looked out the window today.

Alright, shit’s getting ridiculous. I sneezed last night while sitting in my house and started sweating. I sat in front of several fans, and was sweating. I was in an ice cold shower and the parts of my body that were not directly touching the water were, you guessed it, sweating. I know its summer and this is what is supposed to happen, but there is no way I can get used to this. The pool can’t even defeat this dastardly haze. People have resorted to just staying in the pool and allowing their bodies to prune to dangerous levels out of fear of getting out and immediately sweating. I’ve always been that guy who preferred to be very cold over being very hot. You can fix the cold, but when you’re a broke ass post-grad living with other broke ass post-grads, you can’t fix the heat.

Walk with me for a second. I go out to lunch today bracing myself for what’s about to go down. Two steps out the door I go partially blind, can’t decipher where I am or what I am doing, and am inches away from vomiting everywhere. I sprinted back inside my air conditioned building (in a rare instance I want to be at work) to regroup and game plan for whatever the fuck was happening outside. After splashing my face with water, I reentered the concrete Sahara. It looked like the aftermath of an interspecies war outside. In my long walk of one city block I saw: 1) a dead dragonfly (?) that looked as if it were from the prehistoric era, 2) a dead pigeon/sparrow/bird thing on the side walk, and 3) a hobo that was most assuredly dead, lying in an alley. Following the carnage, I proceeded to eat the grossest, sweat-inducing pizza of my life and struggled to make my way back down that long city block into my building.

You know it is a legitimate problem when you are sweating in areas that you previously thought did not have sweat glands, like the wrists and the top parts of your feet. I give kudos to any of you that can stand this heat because this shit is actually making me want to be at work right now.