Bill Clinton's Awesome

--a true American hero

For all you news-less cats out there that aren't yuppie enough to have CNN as one of your bookmarked sites, there was a story yesterday that caught my eye. Keep in mind, I don't really read stories thoroughly, and the majority of this can and probably is wrong.

So, two Asian-American reporters were out in North Korea (the bad Korea) doing, um, reporting I guess. As we all hopefully know, North Korea is seriously not the move right now much like going downtown to Faneuil Hall is no longer the weekend move. Needless to say, these bitches got caught doing whatever it is that they were doing and we assumed them lost to labor camps for 12 years. Damn. Oh well. Obama was like, "can you send these chicks back" and North Korea was like, "Nah." It was an accepted idea that it was a wrap for them. I guess we kind of gave up on them pretty quickly, who's to say really.

All of sudden, Bill Clinton, sensing that there are two young Asian-American women in need, sprung into action. He emerged from the Bat Cave and everyone (at least I) knew things would turn out alright. This motherfucker was in North Korea for about 20 minutes and these bitches were on flights back to the United States. Dude even got the thought to be dying Kim Jong Il to cheese with him in a picture. Simply incredible. Of course everyone is wondering how the wily old veteran Clinton was able to swindle KJI and make him change his mind. With Bill Clinton, weed and prostitutes cannot be far behind, and that folks is my hypothesis. They just sat in KJI's office, bong equipped, and had like 23 mildly attractive prostitutes settle the differences.

I've determined Bill Clinton is a lot like Popeye. Exchange spinach and weed/prostitutes and you basically have the same person. They even have the same "why are these studs with such ugly hoes" complex. I'm talking to you Hilary and Olive Oil...